Angry and Loud

 

I know it has been a long time since I have posted a blog, but I am very angry tonight, and I need to get this out of my system.

The last few days have been horrific here in the US. Like many people worldwide, I have expressed my personal views. I WILL NOT APPOLOGIZE for how I feel or what I believe.

I will give you fair warning that when I am upset I do drop the F bomb frequently. No it is not lady like. No, it is not professional, but it is who I fucking am. If that offends you, or you are aware that my outspokenness or views already fucking offend you. Don’t fucking read this.

Tonight, I was unfriended by a man on Facebook. He sent me a message which stated. That he was unfriending me because “As a celebrity (which I am not) I have no right to express my unamerican views. He went on to tell me that I had no right to speak out on Charlottesville, mascots, domestic violence, or rape. He said that I needed to JUST SHUT UP. Then the fucking genius went on to tell me that the protestors in Charlottesville were exercising their right to Freedom of Speech.

Ummmmm

Their right to Freedom of Speech…..

THEIR rights

What about my rights? As a citizen of the United States? As a woman? As a human being?

Why do these protestors have rights, and I must shut up?

It is a shame that he was too much of a coward to debate me one on one, because I would have fucking annihilated him.

It is amazing how many people scream freedom of speech…. Until the speech that is being exercised freely does not align with their core belief system….

Suddenly it is “Unamerican” “Unpatriotic” …….

Fuck him and fuck anyone that dares to tell me to shut up.

It only makes me louder and I WILL NOT BE SILENCED

 

 

Inner Voice

How often have we spent time trying to be who others want us to be? How much effort do we put into pretending to be who we are not in the hopes for acceptance, love and approval of others?  I am so guilty of this. I have a desire to want everyone to love me; even if that means I am compromising myself.

I find that I am a lot like a ball of play dough. I let others shape me and tell me who I am. The worse part about this is that I believe and trust in those people. I believe the words they say.

My father use to tell me I was fat, ugly, stupid, and a slut. I would grow up to be nothing. He called it “shock therapy.” He would sit me down and berate me in the hopes that somehow this would motivate me to change, but in essence the words made me who I was for so many years.

We all allow the words we hear to shape us and form us. Those words both lift us up and give us confidence or they tear us down and hold us prisoner from our true purpose.  They become the voice we hear when we lay down and close our eyes, the voice we hear when we are all alone with our thoughts, they become our inner voice.

How do we change that voice that haunts us and holds us back?

One thing I have tried to do is look for positives in everything.  I challenge the thoughts and the voice. This morning I looked in the mirror and said, “Ugh I am so fat and ugly. You have to be pretty to make it in this business. I will never make it.”

Okay, yes, I said that as I looked in the mirror before stepping into the shower. I was able to change the dialogue that was falling from my lips and added, “You still have weight to lose, but you have done so good going to the gym. You have muscles where you have never had muscles. You are toning and dropping weight. You look really good for being in your 40’s, you have aged really well.  You have talent. You can touch people’s hearts with your words. You can become the sculptor and not the lump of clay. You can change the world one mind at a time.”

I can change the world one mind at a time. I can start with mine. I can believe in myself. When I do others will believe in me too. I can hold my head high and be proud of the woman I am and the woman I have become.  I have risen like a phoenix; I just need to be able to fly. I will fly someday. I believe that and I do believe in myself.

I challenge you today to listen to your inner voice. Question what it is saying and telling you. Is that voice lifting you up or holding you prisoner to your past? If you cannot change the dialogue, you cannot grow.  Once you can do this you will find that it is easier to rid yourself of other negative voices in your life that are holding you back with their judgement, their own personal issues, agendas, and their insecurities.

I cannot be who everyone wants me to be, and that is okay; as long as, I am true to being who I really am.