September 29th

They say a persons eyes are the windows to their soul. What do you see when you look into my eyes?

Do you see happiness? Sadness? Pain? Confidence? It is all in there.

I am happily human with real feelings and emotions. I cry, perhaps more than most people. I laugh daily. and my laugh is quite contagious. If I am laughing, I guarantee you are as well.

I am happy to be alive. Life isn’t easy. I don’t assume it ever will be, but I am alive and I am blessed.  There is one thing I know for sure I am a pretty strong, resilient, talented, confident woman. I am not perfect, but I am proud of who I am and what I have been through to become the woman I am.

On this night in 1987 I overdosed on every medication I could find in my home. I tried to cut my wrists and my father walked in and found me. He picked up the large knife and swore at me. He yelled that I could never do anything right, and then shouted that I should have cut up and down and not across. He then called me a moron, a waste, an embarrassment and many other things. He took the knife to my wrists for me, threw me down a spiral staircase, dragged me by hair through the house and too his car.

I wanted to die. I wanted to give up. I asked if there was a God, why would he subject me to this kind of torture and pain daily. No child should go through what I did over the years. Why was I still alive? If God existed wouldn’t he love me enough to take me away from this? I was begging to die.

Exactly one year later, on this night in 1988,  I was rushed to the hospital with a Pulmonary Embolism. Doctors were at both of my wrists, my ankles, my groin area, and my neck. They were all trying to get blood from my arteries to check oxygen levels. I almost died that night as well. I stayed in the hospital until almost Christmas that year.  I was begging to live.

September 29th has not always been one of the best days for me.

I was diagnosed with Cancer in 1992. Can you guess which day? Yup.

I seem to develop a bit of anxiety when September roles around every year. Wouldn’t you?

Needless to say it is now 10:40 pm September 29th, 2017 and nothing bad has happened today 🙂 Maybe I should knock on wood? A meteor might full out of the sky! hahaha

I am good now. At least for another year.

Thank you for being here for me and for reading my blogs and books. Thank your for being here to be my emotional support when I have needed it, to be my strength, to be my friend, to be my teacher,  and to just be you. I am blessed to have you in my life.

We all go through ups and downs and scary situations. I hope that my past blogs or my books have touched and helped you in some way too.

Mercy

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thought on “September 29th

  1. I hope that a****** is no longer a part of your life. Not only do you deserve to live, you deserve to love yourself! You did not do anything to justify the abusive, illegal, immoral Behavior that was forced upon you. You have nothing to be ashamed of, embarrassed about, feel guilty for, you’re not to blame!

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