s19I know I haven’t been blogging as often as I should. I have begun work on another new novel. The idea for it came about from a dream I had this week. It was a nightmare. I woke up from it screaming loudly, panting, unable to catch my breath. I knew at that moment the girl from that dreams story needed to be told, and I was going to be the one to tell it. The novel is basically writing itself and I cannot wait to share it with you soon.

I tried to analyze the dream… the nightmare, why I had it? Did I eat something crazy before bed? No…. but I have a lot going on in my life. I am currently looking for a steady paying job while juggling multiple commission or royalty based jobs from home. I am packing to move. Where am I moving? I don’t know.  I am looking for a place to live for myself and my three sons.  It’s a funny thing, you need a steady paycheck to prove you can pay the rent to move into a place, so I can’t just up and leave.  Although many people have suggested I do just that. Sometimes I think people just don’t get it or understand. I have no bank account. I have no credit cards. I have no access to money.

I would be lying if I said I was not scared.  I feel powerless.  I think that is what prompted this nightmare, the lack of power and control that I feel in my life. I am scared. I am terrified.  I am human. These emotions, these feelings are real. They do not make me weak. They just validate that I am a living, breathing human being… just like you are.

h1.6Most of my adult life I have worked from home or have been a stay at home mom.  Finding work has been daunting to say the least.

I majored in Theater, Pre-Law, and Education. I have 5 books published at major book retailers. I have voiced radio commercials for major corporations such as Hustler of Hollywood and Walmart. I was a traffic reporter in several large US Cities, yet I find myself applying for work at Kentucky Fried Chicken, Walmart, Publix, Save-A-Lot… anywhere…. Anywhere that will hire me.  You would be surprised to learn that you have to pass a credit check to work at 3 of those 4 locations.

I cannot pass a credit check. I have been married for 23 years. I have not had control of my finances or my family’s finances. Paying bills that arrived in my name has never a priority for my husband. I am not sure paying bills has ever been a priority in any capacity for him.  This blog is not about him and I can see how quickly I could turn this into finger pointing, but I won’t. I’ll just say, I may have the longest credit report known to the history of man. I believe it is around 185ish pages? Yeah, it is that bad.

dress6After 23 years of marriage, we are dissolving our marriage. We are going our separate ways. It is a good thing, a liberating thing, and I pray I will be able to find the woman I once was… well, maybe a newer, better, me.

As I sit blogging today on my laptop. I look to my left and my right and I see all the boxes.  I find myself wondering, am I making a mistake? Should I just stick it out? What if I fail? What if no one hires me? What if I cannot provide for my children? I am so scared, but if I stay, I know I have no future, no hope, nothing will change, the lies will continue, the bills will go unpaid, and my health will grow worse. Something has to change, if it doesn’t I know I will wind up dead much sooner than I should.  My children need me.  I will find a job, and I will make a life for the four of us no matter what it takes.  I will not let myself down, and I will not let my kids down.

I made a playlist of songs that I listen to while I’m packing to help me stay focused on my goal, so if you are curious as to what is currently on my playlist it’s right there below.

I have been so blessed to be able to blog for We are 1 Voice and to share with you… my personal growth and victories… as well as my fears and well, the not so good times.  I am so blessed to be alive, to be human, to have friends and family that love me for my imperfections as much as they do the good stuff.  I love you guys!


My next journey….

I really appreciate all of you that have supported my writing career. I am going through something major that I am not at liberty to talk about; however, I would like to ask that if you ever considered buying any of my books, please do so. I could use the financial help right now. They are available here

In the past people have contacted me about autographed copies of the books. In order to do that, I have to order them from my publisher and have my publisher mail them to me, sign it, and then send it out to you. It would increase the cost of the book. If that is something you are serious about I will do it for the cover cost of the book plus $10 to cover all of the shipping that will be involved. That would be 1 shipping fee if you order 1 book or if you ordered all 5. It may take 2-3 weeks to arrive because of the double shipping process.

Thank you for always supporting me and my dreams. I will forever be grateful. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as I embark on this next journey.

Is that Thunder?


Is that thunder? Is yet another storm coming?

Does life ever seem out of control?

Are storms raging around you?

Ask yourself, do you have to be caught up in the storm?

…. Wait; is the storm all that bad?

Think about it for a minute….

I look back and see myself as a piece of rotting driftwood in a hurricane, being tossed from side to side in enormous waves against the hull of a ship, helpless and out of control.

I have been there more times than I care to admit. You see, I find myself trying to fix problems.  I want harmony; I want peace; I want quiet, and I want the storms to go away, not only for myself but for those I love and care about. I will stop at nothing to make the turmoil cease. I will pitch myself in the center of the squall in the hopes that somehow I could ease the disdain for myself and others.  I have this inner belief that I can be a catalyst to create a quiet within the mayhem.

I have been caught in my share of hurricanes.  I can blame no one for this but myself. At any point, I had the option to say, “No!” I could have walked away from situations sooner than I had, but I always choose not to. You see, I am loyal. I am faithful. I’m honest.  Sadly, when the storms die down, I am barely able to walk. I feel as if my life has been drained from me.

mb3I find that I have sacrificed my spirit.

I have put it in harms way more times than I care to admit.

I have left each of those storms with scars that will never go away, but with that said; storms can be a good thing. It all depends on how we look at it.

They can wash away facades exposing true problems. If you are lucky, they can even wash away the problem, or give you the strength to walk away. I am thankful for that strength and that insight.

Peace and synchronization is within all of us. We just have to look. I am a believer that we all serve a purpose. No one was created by accident.  No one is here on a whim. No one’s purpose is to be a victim. I will no longer be a victim. I will no longer allow my spirit to be hurt.

Answering your questions :)

I was trying to figure out what I wanted to blog about today. Can you believe I am at a loss for words or thoughts? Yeah, me neither! I decided to take the easy way out, or so I thought, and answer questions that have been emailed or messaged to me over the last few weeks. It was not as easy as I thought it would be. If you have a question, you would like me to answer in a future blog, go ahead and email me at  dress6

Do you have any weird quirks or habits when you write? Allie, Chicago

I have many weird habits and quirks! Hmm..when I write though…. I guess I have some rituals. I like to pray before I write. I pray for guidance that I choose the right words, that my words will help others, and that I can help people open their eyes and ears. I was once told by an old man, that I didn’t really know, that we were given two eyes to see with and two ears to hear with but most of us only choose to use one ear and one eye. My goal is to help people use both when they read my books. I don’t think praying is weird though, but it is a habit before I sit down to write. I do have a favorite writing shirt. It is a button down, navy blue, men’s XXL tall shirt. It is super big and very comfy. It completely puts me in the mood to escape to another world. I write very well when I wear it.

silencecoverHas anyone ever over analyzed your work? Bill, Houston

Hmm… I do get called out on typos a lot. I could use a good editor for sure. 🙂 As for over analyzing the stories? I don’t think there is such a thing. I believe when you read a story, you can pull different things from it and apply it to your life, your situation, and where you are. For example, my first novel, Silence, was reviewed by a woman last year, and she made a religious reference focusing on the struggle Daniel faced between his traditional beliefs and his Christian beliefs. She talked about Daniel on the rope bridge watching Cali be airlifted up and on each side of the bridge people were praying in different ways. One side was in his native language with traditional prayers, the other side was Catholic prayers. He was caught in the middle of two worlds, two cultures, etc… I don’t recall everything she said, but she did make me think. It was not my intention as a writer to create a visual of his internal struggle this way; however, I loved that she pulled that from my writing. It also made me wonder about all those tedious questions in high school literature classes where the teacher would ask a thought provoking question like: How did the author compare the internal struggle Daniel Romero faced while on the bridge? Hahaha as the author…. I can honestly tell you…. the author didn’t even think about it (wink) but it is pretty darn cool she did!

adeceptionCoverFinalWhat is your process? Do you pre-plan your entire story with note cards? Helen, Iowa

My process? Haphazard? Is that a good answer? Seriously, I don’t pre-plan. I have a general idea in my head. I create a character that I absolutely love or loathe and build from there. Once I start writing a book it becomes all consuming. It takes a lot out of me physically and emotionally. After I have finished the first chapter, it is almost like the characters come to me to tell me how to tell their stories. I know this sounds completely nuts, but I will lay in bed and hear their voices, see their faces, and their stories will play out in my mind until I write it. When I write, I sleep very little. I’ll hammer out a novel in a month… some people will take a full year or more. When I am through writing though, I am emotionally drained and exhausted. It is like running a marathon. I always pull from my own life, things I have experienced, seen, heard, felt; therefore, I have a spiritual, emotional and physical connection to each my books. Back to process… I just start writing and see where my characters take me. I am just as surprised at the end of the book as the reader is.

aaBookCoverPreviewIs there personal truth in your stories? Cathy, Miami

Yes. My books are healing for me to write. Through my writing, I deal with stuff that I have buried. I confront my secrets and my demons when I write. The first scene in Silence comes from my life… I recall standing in a doorway watching my father and mother fight and hearing the words he said to her, seeing the blood, seeing her helpless in a ball on the floor… and the first scene in Deception is even more personal… I recall being face down in the dirt, struggling, fighting, the taste of the gravel, the dirt…. Yes, there is truth in my stories, part of me… is in every book I write.

Will you do a sequel to Shadows in the Storm? Mari, Atlanta

I wrote Shadows in the Storm a year ago. I wrote it in four days over the 4th of July. Yes, just four days. It was the most healing story for me to write. I wrote Shadows in the Storm for myself, but when I released it, I realized I wrote it for so many others. I received letters from men and women who thanked me for writing it. People I didn’t even know reached out to me and told me how it helped them face their own past.  That was the biggest compliment I could ever receive. I am constantly being asked to continue the story of Chris, Colleen and Kenny. I think I will. You will see a sequel to this story. I have a pretty exciting plan for the three of them. 🙂

dpaulWhen is the next installment of the NAWS series coming out? Craig, New Mexico

I was hoping to release it at the end of the summer.  I may push it back until the fall. I really wanted to take a trip to the Black Hills before I released the next book in the NAWS series. I have some new characters in it that I think you will love or love to hate.

Do you cast your novels when you write them? If so who do you see as Dylan Paul? Daniel and Adam Romero? Who were Chayton and Mike in your mind? Dawn, Nashville

Yes! Yes! Yes! I do cast my novels as I write them. Then I binge watch movies, interviews, television shows that they were in. It helps me visualize the characters as the stories play out in my mind. Are those the only characters you are curious about? Okay, Dylan Paul…. that was easy… I pictured Christian Kane. He is not only known as an actor, he is a country singer, he is Native American, and I could see him break a man’s jaw, nose, and eye socket with one punch. (wink) Some readers wrote to me and said they saw Adam Beach, Chaske Spencer, Christian Parish, or Stevie Salas as Dylan Paul.  When I wrote Silence, I pictured Michael Greyeyes as Daniel and Adam Beach as Adam. But numerous people said they saw Adam Beach as Daniel or the Spears brothers as Adam and Daniel. As for Chayton and Mike, I pictured Wes Studi and Gil Birmingham. I had people tell me they pictured Tommy Lee Jones and Lou Diamond Phillips. I think it is up to the reader to cast the story in their mind, but as to your question, yes…. I do cast my stories 🙂

s19Are you single? Rick, Denver

I am not looking. 🙂

Where do you see yourself in ten years? Ann, New Jersey

In ten years? I will have won an Oscar and an Emmy for my writing. I will have written a major motion picture, and I will have developed and written at least three television series. Also, a minimum of four of my books will have made it to the top ten list, and yes, I have no doubt that  I will achieve those goals.

Who were your high school celebrity crushes? John, UK

High school was so long ago. I was head over heals in love with David Bowie, John Taylor (Duran Duran), Howard Jones, and Brett Michaels. My walls were plastered with their posters.

Will we learn more about Itchy in book 3 of the NAWS series? I loved the way you expanded his character in Deception. Patty, New York

Thank you! Itchy is a complex character, and I think we learned more about him and what makes him tick in Deception. I think he is a favorite character of many of my readers because he is mysterious, yet there is something in him that is in all of us. Although he doesn’t show it, he is insecure, and he has demons. We start to see that in Deception. I promise you will get to know Itchy even further in the next book.

acombustion book coverWill you do any book signings, and if so can you come to Boston? Bryan, Boston

I would love to do book signings. I would do them everywhere and every weekend if I could afford to do so. Book signings are extremely expenisve, and I do not have the financing to travel, ship the books, and cover the basic expenses. I would love to go to Boston and sign your book. Maybe someday soon I will be able to. I have never been to Boston. It is definitely on my list of places to go.

I listened to you on the radio for at least ten years. I miss hearing your voice.  Do you ever consider bringing back your show? My all-time favorite was Midnights with Mercedes. Your voice was the perfect soothing way to fall asleep. Jeff, Minnesota

First off, I am flattered and THANK YOU. I loved radio. I still do. If an opportunity presented itself to me, I would consider it without a doubt. Mid-Days with Mercedes was a blast, Sunday Morning Mercy in the UK was fun, but I agree with you Mid-nights with Mercedes was the best!. I loved being on in the middle of the night. I could take it to the line and sometimes stumble across that line. I like to push boundaries and buttons. I could do that at mid-night. Yeah, okay I miss it! I admit it. You know I do voice my own audio books. (wink) I have two on the market now Combustion and Shadows in the Storm. You could always get one of those to fall asleep to. (giggle)

mb3What is the one rule you have for yourself when it comes to writing that you will not deviate from? Julie, LA

My one rule…hmmm… my first chapter… my first scene… it has to be powerful.. it has to hook the reader in the first few pages. If it doesn’t, I have failed. As a reader I give a book 3 – 5 pages to catch my attention. If it doesn’t, I close the book.

What is it like to be in the head of all those characters in your books? Eileen, Mobile

I’m in their heads?? Ha! No, it is the other way around; trust me they are in mine. They do not let me sleep, they argue, and plead until I have told their stories. It is almost schitzophranic like. Sometimes, I find myself questioning my own sanity. (grin)

What inspired you to write in the first place? Faith, Wyoming

I enjoy writing; I have always used it to get in touch with my feelings and my emotions. It has always been a way to deal with things I could not figure out how to talk about. My first writing award was given to me in the 7th grade. I wrote a story for a young authors contest at Holmes Junior High, in Mount Prospect, Il. My story was about a young girl who committed suicide. It was my cry for help. It was my way of asking the grownups around me to look into what was going on in my life. No one did…. The first time I had attempted suicide, I was around 16ish. All you Zombies by the Hooters was on the radio… Writing is healing… writing is like my oxygen…. writing keeps me alive.

mercy5Do you have a day job or can you support yourself on your writing alone? Bob, Kentucky

Ha! Right now I am working about seven jobs….. speaking of which… do you need a voiceover… maybe you would like to buy an add in a major Native fashion magazine (wink)

Which characters do you feel closest too in your books and why? Pat, Chicago

In Silence and Deception, I felt very close to Cali. She and I share a lot of personal experiences. She is a shell of a woman that blooms into a powerful force to be reckoned with. I truly believe I am in the process of blooming, and that some day I will stand tall and strong.  In Shadows, I connect well with Colleen. She was a high school outcast who was made fun of, overweight, and eccentric. Colleen has a wall around her and hardly lets anyone inside. Colleen and I are a lot alike.  I do not trust often. When I do open up to someone and let them inside, it is kind of a big deal. I have really only allowed a few people to get to know me, the real me, my deepest darkest secrets, my fears, my dreams… and sometimes I trust to easily or I trust the wrong person, and I get hurt. I just make my wall bigger, wider, and thicker so it becomes even more difficult for the next person. Colleen and I are very much alike.