I haven’t blogged in a few days. I have been wrapped up in life. There are so many things going on that are keeping me busy.
It is the end of the school year for my boys. We homeschool and I have to prepare everything for their end of the year review. They are ready; I never am. I always panic and worry; they always do well. I am not sure why I beat myself up in fear and worry. I suppose it is the fear of failure. That somehow I failed them and did not do a good enough job.
I had a new book released on May 4th, “Obsession of Dylan Paul.” I go through a range of emotions when I release a new book. I have the fear that maybe it is not good enough. I find myself questioning, what if people hate it? I seriously do not sleep until that first review is posted. Thankfully, the first review came in this week and gave me 5 out of 5 stars. Writing is a lot like giving birth to a baby. You are laboring and taking part of yourself, your spirit, your soul and putting it out there for the world. I fear rejection. I fear failure. I think that is a normal human feeling and fear. I think all of us have that fear.
I started a new job this month too. I am working for Native Max Magazine in their advertising and marketing department. I am truly blessed to have this opportunity and to work with a team of talented people that I have known and respected for some time. Again, there is fear… what if I fail? What if I let them down?
I have been going to the gym religiously for over two months straight. The scale has hardly moved. I am restricting calories and beating myself up. I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to quit and not go back. In this case, it is not a matter of fearing to fail; it feels like I have failed. Well it did until I went to the doctors on Monday and found out my a1c (blood sugar test for diabetes) went from a 12.5 last September to a 6.0 (this past Monday) He took me off Metformin for type 2 diabetes and he took me off high blood pressure medicine.
I realized failure is just a matter of perspective. If you are trying to do anything, there is always that chance of failure, but if you choose to do nothing, you can guarantee remaining stagnant and in essence you are choosing failure. You are making a choice to not create change, and to accept your fate coasting from day to day and allowing other people’s choices, good or bad to impact you and your life.
That right there is the most important thing you need to remember…. it is your life.
Sometimes we must face our fears, take chances, and put ourselves out there. We may be rejected; we may fail, but how will we ever succeed or move forward if we sit in idle, paralyzed in fear.
I have been stuck in idle for years. I refuse to be stuck any longer. It is my life.
I choose to not be afraid.
I choose to take chances.
I choose to embrace opportunities as they come to me.
I choose to live an abundant life full of love.
I choose to love myself.
I choose to be kind to myself.
I choose to respect myself.
I choose happiness.
What do you choose for yourself? Our spirits deserve to be happy. Our spirits deserve to be respected and loved. I will protect my spirit today. Will you protect yours?
I watched an amazing video that was done by a woman named Savvy Simon. This video has helped me. I was already headed in the right direction, but this video took me to a whole new level. It inspired this blog. The video by Savvy is below, but I want to say one more thing before I sign off today. Those of you who have been reading my blog from the beginning will understand.
I feel like I have been trapped in a cocoon for years, and I am just breaking out of it. My wings are wet and I am trying to shake free from this shell around me. When I stretch my wings, when I fly, the world will see the beauty I have to offer. I will reach heights I never dreamed of. I will soar just like the butterfly.
I choose to be the butterfly.
Click here to purchase any of the novels written by Mercedes Montgomery.