Sometimes the world seems like a really crazy place. For years I have let others dictate my mood and control my emotions. I’ve let situations effect how my day would turn out. Recently, I’ve realized I cannot please everyone. Anyone who knows me in real life knows I give 150% nonstop. I try to please everyone, even when it jeopardizes me, my dreams, and my goals. I have always put myself last while lifting others up. Perhaps it is because I have never felt like I deserved to be first.
Chaos is like a cancer and just eats away at the world around me. It grows and spins out of control. It is destructive, and slowly destroys my core, my soul, my spirit…
One of the greatest things I have learned recently is that yes, the world is crazy and sometimes a vicious place, full of people who don’t have your best interest at heart. There are manipulators, those that pass judgment, those that have ulterior motives and those that just want to use you under the guise of friendship.
I have always had issues with trust and abandonment. If you have read past blogs such as any of these you will understand why.
When I finally open up and trust someone enough to let them into my world, my inner circle, my deepest thoughts and secrets I give them 150%. I love completely with all of my heart. I am compassionate, caring, a fighter, and a problem solver. I’m talented, funny, and I try to be the best friend possible to those I’ve let in.
No matter how nice or supportive I try to be, sometimes people want more than what I have available to give and it really hurts that I cannot give them what it is they are asking for. I have found that when someone is use to you dropping everything at any moment to be there for them and their needs and suddenly you can’t, they can be mean. The people that you have always been there for, the people that you have lifted up, supported, talked with till the wee hours of the morning… can cut you where it hurts most. They know your weaknesses, your vulnerable spots, they know how to hurt you and they do.
So where does this leave me?
Do I become a cold callous bitch?
I’ve been called that recently among many other names.
Do I no longer trust anyone? Do I not allow anyone to ever become close to me again?
Needless to say I have discovered the word boundaries. People have been crossing boundaries with me for years, and I’ve let it slide because I never felt that I was worthy.
I now have boundaries. I no longer take abusive behavior from others. This past weekend a woman I have never met who listened to me on the radio in Alabama questioned my parenting on my Facebook page because of the neighborhood I currently live in. I believe she asked during her diatribe, “Why would you ever move your children into such an awful neighborhood?” Of course my response was, it is what I can afford. What other response could I have had?
Her judgmental post on my parenting left me in a state of tears. Crazy right?
My kids they are my world. I have sacrificed so much for them and I love them more than life itself. Several of my friends who know me chimed in and shut her down. I realized, I am valuable to them. Not all people are hateful, mean, judgmental etc… If I was worth them standing up for me, then I was worth standing up for myself.
I posted something to the effect of; “I accept all friend requests on Facebook. It is a privilege to be on this page. It is not something you are entitled to. I wish you well in your future endeavors.” And I blocked her…
Now she was not the first person I ever blocked but a switch went off in my mind that night. I have boundaries. I cannot please everyone. I do not need to take disrespect or abuse from anyone.
Today I was frantically trying to meet a deadline. I was working in the studio. Mic was up and cued. I was having an issue with bitrates, files and conversions and I went to Facebook and asked a question to those that I have worked with in radio.
One gentleman I have never met posted a comment in the thread, and then he sent me private messages completely freaking out that I did not respond to his off topic comment. I explained politely that I was not trying to be rude. I was trying to meet a deadline. He said I was being rude by ignoring him and his exact words were to F*ck off…. Oh he said a few other things to, including that he was going to unfriend me. My response…. I wish you well.
Boundaries… They are a wonderful thing…
You don’t have to accept craziness into your life. You do not need the chaos to survive. The world is a perfect place that you create for yourself. That is what I have learned this week. The world is a perfect place. It will keep spinning and the sun will shine. You don’t have to please everyone; in the end the only person you truly have to please is in fact yourself. You will live with you for the rest of your life. Friends they come and go, but you will wake up with YOU every day until the day you die.
Surround yourself with good people, people you trust, and never feel guilty about cutting away the cancer that eats at your spirit, your soul, your core. You owe that to yourself.