It’s time for open honesty. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like every time I can see the shoreline another wave comes and knocks me down. It’s hard to breathe. It’s hard to see clearly. My heart actually hurts. I feel helpless and insecure. I feel like I can’t stand up; I can’t be heard. I feel like my words don’t matter.
Do you ever feel this way?
I get so close to freedom and then something happens and I get tossed back into the storm. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever know true happiness. Will I ever know what it is like to not know fear?
I wish I could share with you where I am and what is going on in my life right now, but I am not sure even I know or understand all of it.
I feel trapped. I feel scared. I feel helpless.
Part of me wants to just give up and to just stop fighting. I want to be still and just let the waves take me where they may.
Those of you who know me, know this is not who I am. I am a fighter. I am a survivor desperately trying to become a thriver. I am not the smartest woman, the prettiest woman, or the most talented woman, but I do have good qualities that I like about myself, and I have to remember to remind myself of this.
I am compassionate. I am an amazing mom with so much love for my children. I have a great sense of humor. I love making people laugh. I love lifting people up. I have a good heart and a spiritual side that always puts others before myself.
Do you ever remind yourself of all the good things that are inside of you? The things others see, but maybe you forget about? You should do that. Take a moment and embrace the fabulousness within yourself. We all have something that makes us unique and special, a gift that was given to us to share with the world. Don’t hide from the world, and don’t waste your gifts. We never know how many days we actually have.
It’s Thanksgiving and I sit here, in the middle of this storm while being tossed in the waves up against the cliffs and the rocks. I am being pulled further and further away from the shoreline. I can go under at any moment. The more I fight, the more I struggle, the more I panic, the more I sink and the more this storm has power and control over me.
As I try to breathe and catch my breath I hear a soft voice inside tell me to slow down and be calm. Do not fight; do not struggle. As I slow, I can see my strengths. I can think more clearly. My life has purpose. I don’t know how, but I will make it to that shoreline. I have to. My children are counting on me.